i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
