My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
