i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize