I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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