Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So much rum. So many feels.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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