So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
