The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
