I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
