yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
