so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
