i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize