I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
