i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
