Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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