i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
