Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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