I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize