He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
