so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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