I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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