Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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