I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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