just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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