im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
