hotel room ftw
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
