somebody snuck up and got me drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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