new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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