No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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