we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
