we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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