So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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