I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
