bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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