Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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