help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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