I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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