the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
