need another drink. this is the easiest way
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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