True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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