I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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