i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
