She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
being pregnant is like rehab
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize