He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I checked into jail on foursquare
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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