I wanna bring you to show and tell
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
