I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
