He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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