Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
