Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
