We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So much Jack, so little girl.
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