He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
