I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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