Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
