I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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