We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His hands were made for my vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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