there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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