i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
