I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
