at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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