bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
