Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
