Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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