The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
