I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize