Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
