he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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