dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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