I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
