Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did i just pee glitter
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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