i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
