i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
as a side note pls kill me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
