Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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