No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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