false alarm. still invincible.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
