don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
