I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You took a bar mat shot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize